Learn to be Specific....

Be specific Chelsea...Be very specific.



I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. It was pointed out to me that possibly my time spent in prayer (dont look so shocked, i dont really think i am the most powerful thing in the universe) could be better spent if I had a more pointed direction to the things I was asking and searching for. Maybe just asking for strength and help wasnt the way to go. So i gave it a shot....

I spoke at length about the things I was struggling with. I asked for guidance and DRIVE in numerous situations that are plaguing me. (top secret shit sorry I cant share) I spoke clearly and really from my heart. I finished up with my usual prayer ending which goes like this..."hey man, thanks for listenin to me gab, I hope you have a really great day, love chelsea" *very proffesional ending* I then said a quick mantra in conclusion 'drive, drive, drive, drive'....

guess how my day turned out? i drove all fuggin day. 97 erands landed on my plate and I literally drove from dawn to dusk. I laughed outloud by noon realizing although it was awesome to feel like I was being listened to, I really need to be more specific. I asked for drive and dammit drive is what I was given. Oh you big jokester....needless to say I was far more clear this morning...'free money, free money, free money' Ok, that last part isnt true, but it sure was tempting.

Va-Va-Va-Vegan!

so get a load of this! i have taken on a 30 day trial as...a....vegan. i know right, who the F---gives up meat and all things animal? who takes on living with only natural foods, veggies and such? me. *and apparently a shitload of others* WELL, in hind sight i also didn't realize the long list of fun things i would be giving up in an effort to get healthy and address some food allergies i have been ignoring since college. quick run down of the fun i have said good-bye to: eggs (breakfast isnt the same without ya) sugar (oh how i miss you) all things dairy, honey, soda (caffienated only for a short time) gluten (you are the damn reason i did this) and so so so many other things i cant even begin to mention. point of this rant...i feel amazing. damn it! i really wanted to take this on and feel nothing, nada, zilch, zip of a difference then go happily back to my crummy eating habits. truth be told i feel great and weight is falling off me. i feel energized (i say as i yawn thru my monday afternoon) but its really the truth! VEGANISM-you had me at hello.....

Dear Bad Economy....

Dearest Economy,

I am hoping this day finds you well and in good spirits. I fear I am not writing you my usual winters greeting, but in regards to this failing economy. Unfortunately, being in the design industry my fear radar has finally started sounding and I need to make a request of you before I find my self searching Monster.Com for jobs that fit my random skill set. The request is simple, please be on your best behavior and try and stop acting a fool. People are talking about you and as your bud I cant listen anymore to people complaining about you and calling you names. I havent mentioned it so far, because I figure you are much like myself and dont enjoy when people point out that you are being an asshole. However, I think its time to mention that you are -in fact- being an asshole.

The truth is...I dont want to search out a new job, with new co-workers, no more vacation time and no 401K. I dont want to get used to a new office, new rules and new boundaries. I happen to be among the lucky few who LOVE with a capital L-O-V-E their job. But if nothings getting built, there is no need for the Chelster. I understand you cant be all things to all people, which is fine, because I am mostly worried about me in this particular example.

So in closing, please kiss the family and send them my best. I hope I wasnt too harsh, but this is what friends do, they keep us from making a fool of ourselves. And dearest economy you are doing just that. Stop being a dick.

Love Always,

Chels

Hello again. Hello? HELLO?!

Ok, so i realize it has been roughly 2.65 years since i even ventured to look at you blogosphere...but i wanted to come crawling back and beg for your forgiveness, then beg you to take me back. (ask anyone that knows me, thats totally my modus operandi) (sp)

i think i have felt an influx of creative juices lately (wine) and feel like it could be time to make a come back. do you think in your heart of hearts that you can forgive me? what if i promise to catch you up on all the sorted (but honest) details of the last 2.65 years? have i won you over yet? can you see me batting my eyelashes out there in cyber-space because i am.

seriously, take me back. its gonna be good. i promise.

My "cool" is coming out of retirement!

So i am starting to feel like i am almost back to that sassy gal i used to be. the girl who wasnt slowed down by forgeting the diaper bag, the extra bottle, the wipes or the baby! man people frown when you forget your kid somewhere geez! but i really feel my old self returning...slowly but surely i care what the weekend might have to offer besides 5 more minutes of sleep...i care what my ladies are doing around the town...and can i tell you something? it feels good to be BACK! i think i feel like you (me) sort of lose your (my) identity for a second or two after a new baby hits the house and you become the tender to a helpless babies needs! and i am really feeling good these days. i feel my pep, my zip, my sas coming back, whether thats a good thing or not is yet to be determined! i will keep you posted! either way the Chelster is feeling groovy as Paul Simon once sang! ba-da-da-duh-da-duh-duh-feelin-groovy! he sung it much nicer than that, but you get the picture...my "cool" is coming out of retirement!

Pep talk to self!

lazy girl, lazy girl, chelsea is a lazy girl! well, i suppose unmotivated would be a far more attractive way to label the way i am feeling. no zest for working that i normally have. mentally checking out at around 1 pm...not good. the Chelster needs to get her game face back on. finish the year with a bang! so get back to it lazy girl, no slacking out of you!

what you just witnessed was a personal pep talk i needed dearly. i have lost my steam, my sas and well, my pep! i guess since the hubby's accident i have been lacking so in sleep that i am just out of my zone. i shall overcome, no little thing like no sleep is going to keep this girl down!

Merriest of Christmas Greetings

Well merry christmas everybody. here it is again, the holiday that preasures us to prove our love and friendship to friends and family by the size of our gifts! no, all sarcasm aside i freakin love this holiday. the lights, love it, the smells of people baking fattening treats, yup, love it, the feeling of impending doom as relatives say really odd stuff to me and each other, like it a little, waiting for just one person to drink too much and make a great scene, LIVE FOR IT, not being that person, my favorite! i guess we'll have to see if anyone steps up to the plate today as me and the fam make our rounds to show off the kids to one and all. family long ago stopped caring if the hubby and i show our attractive, well groomed faces...all they care about are these damn kids. one year i am hiring a sitter just as a gag to see if we are even allowed to enter babyless. i highly doubt we would make it past the doorman!

so i am wishing you all the very merriest of holidays today...drink, eat and be merry.

i feel truly blessed these days, life is good, a few bumps here and there, but we are all present and accounted for and things are truly going our way, or at least headed in the right direction. we have a roof over our heads, we have food in our bellies, and the most fantastic group of family and friends that love and support us year round. i realize not everyone is that lucky, i wish they were, so i know i've got it good!

...well i am off to get this party started, wish me luck!

Feel my RATH Insurance Industry

Why must all professional cliche' stereotypes prove to be true right when i am trying not to be judgemental? why must the insurance industry encite RAGE in me? i just want my car fixed! i just want a rental car. i just want to not have to talk to 8000 customer service people, who by the way, have NOOOOo business being in any customer service position, just to get one lady who cant tell me any information i want to know and then hangs up on me after i sat on hold for 24 minutes to reach a real fucking human. damn it American Family insurance!! do i really have to send out angry yells across cyber space about you because your service blows and your coverage is fair to less than moderate? do i have to tell the world that you are shifty and you flipantly change your policies because you are just another fucking cog in the evil clockwork oif our corporate money driven society? well piss off American Family insurance. i hope when you find that brick i am wishing i could throw thru your front window you know its from me and you wish you had just been a little more helpful instead of incuring my wrath because of your lack of compassion and common human desency...i wont be writing my name on Mr. Brick so the coppers dont show up at my house...but i have a feeling that after our last conversation you will know whose imaginary brick that was...

The Plague has struck us down

we have been struck down by the plague here at Casa de la Sicko...apparently the wrath of something is sweeping the land clearing the earth of all the weak immune systems and we are them! we lose. flu scores one, we score zero! oh well, i am sure i needed to clear out my head of the snot i had sitting around anyways. who doesnt need to have a couple days a month where you feel like a truck hit you, filled your ears with cotton, your head with cement and your throat with sand paper?

Ode to the theif who stole my purse

dear theif who pryed the door open to my brand new car to steal my purse,
i usually shy away from wishing death or dismemberment on people i dont know. truthfully i usually shy away from wishing death on folks period...however, i believe i am fully justified in wishing some horrible fate on you and your drug addict friends who thought mine would be a good car to rob and damage. well maybe it was a good choice because you did seem to get my purse, my checkbook, my credit cards and a couple gift cards you could probably give a fuck about. unfortunatly for you i wasnt passed out in a coma or a drunken slump and i woke shortly after you ruined my brand new cars beautiful black door and realized something was amiss. so after canceling all my cards, my bank account and EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY FUCKING PURSE, i returned to my day, had the car dusted for prints and sold some flooring at the office.

i guess i should remind you dear theif, that my deductable is 500 bucks and its a damn good thing i am independantly wealthy or that would be a real bitch, not to mention replacing all the crap in my purse.,..so far to the tune of about a hundred bucks. its a good thing my car is just a material possesion (although its only a month old and possibly the newest love of my life) that is covered by a hefty insurance policy that will fix it and bring it back to its former beauty...but you know what my deductable wont bring back dear theif? the only god damned thing in that purse i really want back...not that it even stirs in your mind to care, because you are a low life theif, who would rather pry the door off MY FUCKING CAR THAN WORK FOR YOUR OWN MONEY APPARENTLY, but if you had a chance to swing by and drop off the little red card with a cross on it i would really appreciate it man...yah see , it happens to be one of the only little things i got from my dad (although i guess i technically stole it from his wallet) when he died, and since i keep it with me everywhere i go, and since sometimes it feels like the only connection to him i have left to hold on to, and finally since he probably wont be swinging by any time soon to replace it, i would really like it back.

but feel free to keep my credit cards, and hell, keep my i.d. and make copies for your friends for all i care. so dear theif in conclusion, i really hope the lifestyle you are leading lands you right where you belong...serving me fries at Mcdonalds, while i use your life as an example to my children as to why you should do well in school and go to college. i, my friend, will replace my stolen items, and the 3 dollars cash in my wallet, i will deal with the pain of losing something really special, and i will be succesful and prosperous. you, my friend, i am willing to bet...will not.

Sincerely,
the girl whose car you trashed

An Update!

i have decided to skip the reunion...i decided i can bypass the 100 dollar tickets and go act high and mighty somewhere else that evening for much cheaper! i fear all my fans will be going home with a tear in their eye due to my absence, but i am sure they will survive!

Uh Oh...Job COnundrum Fast Approaching

worlds cutest baby...just thought i would throw in a brag picture so y'all can see how adorable Prince Porter really is! the cheeks are hereditary! so i am 3 weeks from returning to my jobby job...and things are slowly but surely coming unraveled...little by little things are circling the toilet bowl. i had a company meeting yesterday that my presence had been requested at and we had a short discusion (led by a flow chart...we all know how fun those are) and low and behold...guess whose responsibilities have been reassigned? you guessed it! nearly 2/3 of my job...reassigned with out any notice to me! what the fuck? i have been under the impression i was going to have a job to return to...maybe i will not. so heres the spin! i have an interview at a new company next week for a position that would involve much more of my shmoozability, and my unending charm. so is this fate's way of telling me to take the position if they offer it to me? i sure hope so...i will keep you posted. i have been on the prowl, and i believe i have located a perfect outfit that showcases my class, yet undeniable hip nature. wish me luck!

Ranting...Just a Little

i fear i must rant a tad this morn because i feel like it...not because i am particularly aggrevated or annoyed even...just being me. i gotta be me man. so its the late hour of 8 am here at 'Casa De La NO Sleep'. and i am the only person walking these hallowed halls. except the babe who seems to be content until i lay down for a mid-morning snooze. then his built in Mommy Sleep Sensor starts buzzing in his ear and he starts crying enough to wake me but not anyone else in the house. its an odd built in mechanism i must say. i have one that entails not waking anyone with my own crying! that goes quietly into my pillow. (cue the sad heart wrenching music) so me and Prince Porter have been up partying for most of the night, except for a few short naps that ended at 5:40. yet somehow i really am feeling good. i do have a horrifying urge to stomp up and down the halls banging on the walls until the family is all assembled in the living room to see if its an earthquake that has knocked all the pictures off the walls or just a sleepy mama chels. however i realize that is silly and i continue to type instead of calling the h0me phone repeatedly from my cell and turning the home ringer onto high and letting it do the waking for me. then i remember that sister Amelia and Master Michael are both a little grumpy if woken intentionally and i decide the quiet house is fine. so i will continue to type, drink my 96th mug of coffee (could be why damn baby isnt sleeping huh) and relax until someone wakes so i can carry on a conversation with someone who speaks 'adult'. and while we are ranting a little...my pants are still far from fitting. there...its all out of my system.

did anyone notince the spam that wound up in the comment section of my last blog? what the fuck is that all about. stay out of my blog spam! get your own blog. mine is for my garbage, not yours!

A Night Among Adults

who had her first night out after a long hiadis from my adoring public? THIS GIRL! it was fantastic, sore boobs aside, and i was thrilled to be out among adults! ADULTS! no one needed a clean set of pants, or a diaper change from me, well a couple did but that wasnt really my business! at first i was apprehensive to go strutting my chubby waist and not so steel like buns...but you add a couple gin and tonics and you'd think i was back in fighting shape! YYYEEEHHHAAAHHH baby, god bless a little boose to boost the ego! it was so nice to see my friends at the ole pub that i hadnt seen in like 10 months. unfortunatly most were still sitting on their stools where they were when i last left, but thats a seperate issue. we saw a great concert, drank a tad too much and took a cab home where we ate a corn dog and hit the sack. Yup my friends, i think we had the perfect anniversary! the perfect re-release into the world for the Chelster. I...AM....BACK!

The Artist Formerly Known as Chelsea

i have officially lost my edge. i am under the impression that i used to (USED TO) be a ather entertaining gal. a fun person to ba around. a good time all around. witty. charming. (ok maybe most of those i said about myself, but cut me some slack!) and i realized its finally happened...add one new baby to my life and it happened. i have lost my edge. its gone. i no longer have a sharp wit about anything! my poor sleep deprived mind is only consumed with diapers and boobs (the feeding kind sicko) and not sleeping. so you can officially check back in with me sonetime in the distant future when i rein back in the fragments of what used to be my stunning personality and add some sleep and WALLAH i will be back to the old Chels.